I've heard that over and over. In workshops and self help books. And I've *thought* I had found what I wanted to do. I thought that coaching was THE thing. I think in retrospect I wasn't quite right about that.
But when I look at my life, there is one consistant theme. Looking for and cultivating love. Love has made me crazy, depressed, ecstatic... I have joked that "it is just all about the sex", because that's what some people seemed to think about me. If that were true, I wouldn't have turned down sex with someone I liked in order to go just sleep with someone I loved (which I have happily done).
Sex is lovely, I have no plan or desire to give it up. But it so pales as a thing unto itself, when compared with the same thing with a beloved. With someone, either new or in an ongoing relationship, where there is the energy of acceptance, discovery, enthusiasm, play, openness, and unattachment to a specific result. Then there's no pressure. You are free to be whomever you are, and they whomever they are. It becomes a dance, a give and take. To see and be seen for who you really are, accepted, and given the gift of pleasure. Then the pleasure can be of any form, even just talking, kissing, whatever. I have one partner with whom I have called taking care of her when she was sick "making love", because it was. There was so much sense of appreciation from her that I was helping.
Coaching helps me create that for others, and I really like that. I think I will never give that up. But up to now I've thought of coaching as simply a way to make things better for the largest possible number of people. Now I see that "make things better" isn't enough for me. I want to teach people how to create that romantic ecstacy.
Dawn and I shared a moment of that this weekend, and it was an amazing and beautiful thing for me. To have her there before me, with all her walls down, I felt like a teen again, seeing my first lover naked for the very first time. I was filled with wonder, compassion, joy, awe... She is such a gift to do the scary thing of opening herself like that.
So, I want to find ways to make my living from being romantic. So far, ideas include the coaching work, writing romance novels that teach the relationship skills we've been teaching in coaching (a subversive way to make the world a better place), and maybe a workshop on wooing.
I'd like to invite you, whomever you are that's reading this, to throw me any other ideas about how I can make a living at romance.
There is a big distinction between rooting out intolerance; and letting the existence of intolerance limit your sense of humor.
Laughter is one of the greatest gifts we have, and to render specific aspects of life off limits to humor enslaves us all to the limitations of a few.
There are many paths to every goal. Creating safety by limiting the actions, feelings or thoughts of others should always be held to a minimum, lest the state (as the state per se
There should be respect for all individuals. There should be a striving for partnering. There should be education about how to have and maintain boundaries. There should be a partnering in support of boundaries, where such boundaries protect individuals from harm or from unequal availability of opportunities. There should be a concerted effort to teach these ideas and support these values. And there should be a striving within this context to shed the reactive responses to past pain. When a structure for safety is in place, the need for reactivity is past. And even in the face of a need for change, reactivity limits the options of the person experiencing it, it does not create safety, it limits the options for safety.
It should not be a goal of society to insure the comfort of all the individuals in a society unless that society is going to feed and house all those most in need first. All else is hipocracy. Further, by attempting to insure the comfort of the few, we limit their potential for growth, since most human growth stems from attempting to grow beyond our discomforts.
To limit anyone from expressing themselves simply because I have pain in my past results in limiting us all to the least common denominator. This is not respectful of the individual, and does us all harm. It limits creativity. It limits questioning the value of specific things, which then results in rules which serve a few at the expense of the many. And which may exist far beyond their usefulness to the individuals in question.
This is the reason why free speech was codified in the constitution.
And this is the tyranny of having a cause, the terrorism of political correctness.
If there is someone on your friends list you would love to have an epic, sweaty, damn near legendary, completely mind-blowing, consciousness-expanding, 12 hour fuckathon with, post this same exact sentence in your journal...
Heh, there are a lot of people on my friends list I'd like to do that with. Way more than there'd be time for. Tonight I hope to do that with one of the people on my list... my wife. :)