akienm: (Default)
the boy seeks validation from without
the man must find it within 
akienm: (Default)
The Child in me
Wants the adults around me
Including my partners
To take care of me
Make sure I don't have to feel
Those things that
Discomfort me

I read the writings of another
Who said that the boy must die
So the man can be
I can see it in me
The pain the boy feels
At not having someone take care
Clearly that means
He's not worth it

The man in me
Is sad for the child
And is discomfited by the feeling
At the same time
He knows that I am the one
That must take care

I must reflect before it happens
I must think it though
I must take care
I must face it
I must feel it
I must stand alone
I must learn what I want
I must know where I'll compromise
I must stand when I will not
I must be
akienm: (Default)
Your first job
Is to have you be safe.
Your second job
Is the safety of your family.
Your third job
is to find your value.
Your fourth job
Is to help your kids find theirs.
akienm: (Default)
A Different View

we trees stand proudly
watching over land and time
slowly noticing the fast moving
creatures dancing in the water
the light of the warm day star
sparkling from their bark
akienm: (Default)
One Letter Off

w9j3 eq6w r33o o8i3 e43qjw
5y3 9n3w 2y343 697 o3qf3 6974 0qh5w q5 y9j3
qhe 3f3h 8r 5yq5[s h95 5y3 0yqh5qwj 5yq5 0oqt73w 697
w58oo 5y343 q43 9ddqw89hqoo6 5y9w3 eq6w
5yq5 q43 u7w5 9h3 o35534 9rr.

(some days feel like dreams
the ones where you leave your pants at home
and even if that's not the phantasm that plagues you
still there are occasionally those days
that are just one letter off.)

perspective

Apr. 3rd, 2009 01:29 pm
akienm: (Default)
so tired
working all day
the sun beating down
covered in muck
stop here and rest!
 
oh look!
A bee stopped to rest
On this delicate flower
How happy to have
A life so idle!
akienm: (Default)
Rebuilding me
A brick at a time
Taking a moment here
And another there
Reflecting on who i was
Who I'd like to be
And how to make that happen
akienm: (Default)
vests splintered by the crushing air
a winged bear circles above
yellow glass insinuates into the seam
moments of water stretching forever


akienm: (Default)
i have an ache i do not understand
my life has been centered around another person for so long
and i have looked to them to help me have the direction needed
to actually complete whatever needed completing
i have also been so lucky
as to pick interesting people who
brought me direction, new experiences
as i finally try to take a first few steps on my own
i only now realize how much i depended on all that
more things to build all over again
akienm: (Default)
Sometimes I just wanna reach out
To hear a friendly word from the outside
Wanting to assuage feelings of loneliness

Rather than reaching inside
And holding the child I once was
Telling him it will all be ok
akienm: (Default)
I know that ours is a society which has many miscreants. Enough so that we have to have organizations like Impact. I know that women have been preyed upon by men. I know why they might fear men. Scads of stuff on this topic have been written in the media, and in blogs all over the place.

I wanna write today about being on the other side of this.

As I walk down the sidewalk
I think about what I project
And who I want to be...
Gentle, kind, open, giving...
I work really hard
To be that guy.

I work hard at that
Because I so treasure women...
Every single one I see
Touches my heart
In some way
Deserving of that consideration

I open my face
And my heart
I reach out with my eyes
Carrying no expectations
Offering a smile
Asking nothing...

This one gives a small
Tentative smile in return...
That one smiles slightly
Without awareness that she has
This one studies the wall
And that one her shoes

This one looks through me
Deliberately unseeing
Over there, she's clearly scared
Like a deer in headlights
Another has on a tough look
Beating back everyone

One drops a scarf
I pick it up to offer back
She ignores my words
Hurrying more quickly away
None are haughty
Most seem scared

I have a love
Who walks along
Beaming at all she sees
And they respond
Grins and smiles
She's safe, she's a woman

I am not safe
I am a man
Assumed a predator
Protection needed
Against me
Offering a smile

I don't really feel like this captures it. It makes me feel very sad to have almost all the women I see in the world assume that as a stranger, I am dangerous. One day, many years ago, I walked down a street in San Francisco, and had most of this happen. I wound up at a small park, leaned against a tree, as tears quietly rolled down my face. All those years ago, I couldn't really understand, on an emotional level, that this wasn't about me. I thought it meant that all my negative self talk must be true.

And it's not even just women. To a lesser extent, men too. I imagine that being a black man walking in a mostly white neighborhood could feel this way too.

And the thing is, I don't have an answer. There really are predators out there.
Some days, I really grok Batman.
akienm: (Default)
Ten thousand things and more...
Children, work, bills, expectations...
All left behind.

The rising sun gently stroked their faces
A warm awakening
Beside the beloved

She reached for his body
Feeling it come alive
In her hand

Her mouth closed on his
As he shuffled from the realm of sleep
The kiss of urgency

She flowed from beside him
And enveloped him in her warmth
Gazing into his eyes

Movements both tender and demanding
Carrying them each toward bliss
Sweet oblivion

Cresting the peak
Like crashing surf come alive
Electrifying them both

Drifting back to earth
In a pool of sun
And the other's warm arms
akienm: (Default)
*love*
*love* *love*
*love* *love* *love* *love* *love*
*love* *love* *love*
*love* *love* *love* *love*
*love* *love*
*love* *love* *love* *love* *love*
*love* *love*
*love* *love* *love*
*love* *love*
*love*

Love Poetry
akienm: (Default)
You know, I've wanted to tell you this for some time. And I just haven't had it clear in my head what I wanted to say. Or how to say it.

I completely worship you.

I don't know why. It's really a chemical thing which impacts me on every level. Physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual... Every aspect I can think of.

Every time I see you it's like that. Looking at the surface of your skin and thinking about what it would feel like, physically, emotionally and energetically, to touch that skin. Even fully dressed… Sometimes I look at that soft skin along your jaw, right in front of your ear, down to the curve of your jaw… There's the smallest touch of soft, almost invisible hair there. I get completely sucked into just the idea of stroking you. The sight of you halves my IQ. And when I catch a glimpse of your cleavage, I am drawn in to imagining placing my face between your breasts and just inhaling you. Drowning in that scent.

When I haven't know you well, it was very hard to tell you what I was feeling... That I wanted you. That I do want you. I've had a story from my childhood that people didn't want to know what I was feeling, so I am only now really learning to share that. In the past I've tried to use caretaking as a way to lure you into relating. I'm only now starting to see things differently, see what I might have to offer you just by being me. To practice that.

When we do touch, I'm always aware of it. It can be just the slightest little bump, but I notice it. I think "Wow... she touched me"... It lifts my heart, excites my body, even just that tiniest of things.

When you've let me kiss you, it's amazing. The whole world disappears. Even most of me disappears. All my attention gets riveted to the place where we touch. I'm filled with sensation that feels like I'm shining from the inside with this gift of you.

When we snuggle, when I am holding you, it's like a lighter version of that. A part of me savoring each breath. When I awaken next to you, and there's time to wrap myself against your back, I get this vast feeling of contentment. Peace. Of course, then I start noticing your female nature…

And when we make love, it can be the peak experience of my life. Breathing in time with you and our motions… Touching that lovely skin… Tasting every part of you… Inhaling the scent of you… Watching your pleasure, knowing that I'm helping to give you this marvelous experience… It's like being touched by god.

I know you sometimes don't see yourself this way, you see every blemish of whatever kind. I have always been able to find the beauty in you. When you let it, I see how it radiates from every pore.

In the past, I haven't always been able to take all of your moods... Sometimes when you're passionate about something, and it's a fear or anger kind of passion, I haven't known what to do with that. I know it's my stuff, but it keeps me from being as close to you as I'd like. But I love you when your strong. And I've battled against this part of me so I can be closer to you.

I think I am mostly straight because I never see any of this when I look at a man. And whenever I look at you, no matter what's going on, what you're doing, no matter where you are… This is always in the back of my head. Yes, it makes me stupid sometimes, seeing you as a goddess. But experiencing you this way, the divine pleasure of it, the complete separation from space and time that I know is possible while worshipping you… I wouldn't want to give that up.

Thank you.

This message is from me to womankind.


I'd love your comments...
akienm: (Default)
I decided to post the whole list because the first one struck me so much:

exsanguinated - drained of blood

After the kill, he'd given her first choice
She exsanguinated the corpse, and gave it back
He gazed into her eye and socket
As she scooped more brains from the corpse
And gazed back vacantly
Zombie Love

Serindipity

his word is an interesting request
As it's one I have already used
In a different form
In another poem I have posted.
Serendipity, eh?

Prestidigitation

The armies locked in mortal combat
The spies performing their prestidigitation
The generals in their press briefings
The citizens loudly demonstrating
The congress in debate
The president always proclaiming victory
The maimed in honor sent home
The widows lost in pain
The children in their homeless state
The lands scorched by battle
The sanity in this is where?

Entanglement

They loved each other like no other
Until it consumed all their lives
Their soft entanglement
A prison of infatuation

They broke that bond
To regain their lives
It almost killed them
But they survived

Now again they love
Though not so very close
A cautious and tender love
With hope, forever

exuberance

He'd wanted her for years
Watching her in their communities
Reaching out to her as he could
She didn't seem interested
Then one day they kissed
It lit them aflame
And the exuberance of it
Carried them into a new life
Together...

Immolated

I gaze into your eyes
Our lips touch
Bodies merging
Souls embrace
World vanished
Immolated in ecstasy

glorious

Gazing up at the rolling hills of you
From my delightful lowland perch
Tasting your sweet nectar
As I delight you even more
Savoring the scent of you
Pleasure overcoming!
Glorious!!

Honor

As they sat
He gazed across the table at her
Thinking back on the years they'd shared
The things they had created together
What an honor it was
To be with her
After 50 years of loving
akienm: (Default)
I am having this urge today,
this constant imagining,
of simply getting lost in kissing you.
Taking your face in my hands,
tuning out everything else,
stroking your lips with mine...
inhaling you,
tasting you,
stroking the insides of your lips with my tongue
ever so gently
Then, after a time which felt endless,
which might have been moments or hours,
running my hands down your body
exploring every inch of you
with all my senses
the scent of your neck
the feel of the skin on your chest
the taste of your breasts
stroking your whole body with my face
you inspire me
perhaps I should take up writing romance novels
or erotica
all I'd have to do is write about wanting you
I would love to take the time to do those things
to spend a weekend with nothing else to do...
except you.
To delight you in every way I can think of
I enjoy feeling you from here
But to have you in my arms...
to be able to do all the things I've been dreaming about...
ahhh that will be heaven
I was thinking of petting you with a rose
then I remembered that by doing that,
pleasant as it would be for you,
I wouldn't be enjoying the feel of you
which is, of course, what draws me the most
I would like to press into my hands
all the urgency of wanting you,
then pet you with that energy,
that longing...
a firm but gentle touch
communicating to you how you make me feel
slowly spreading fire into your nerves
awakening a matching desire.
You make me happy
akienm: (Default)
ORIGINAL LYRICS COPYRIGHT 2004 BY AKIEN MACIAIN
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. OK TO DISTRIBUTE ONLY IF THIS
NOTICE REMAINS INTACT. Posting a link is OK. Thanx!

My Favorite Things     
    
Blood drops from rose thorns that prickle the kitten
Bright chrome attachments, a ball gag that's bitten
All of my lovers now tied up in strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Black lacy corsets and red leather floggers
When they get home they will all hit their bloggers
Parties with dungeons and black bondage swings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white uniforms of spray-on plastic
Red marks that stay on your butt look fantastic
Hanging my love from the celing with rings
These are a few of my favorite things

When the cane bites
When the whip stings
When I'm feeling tired
I simply remember my favorite things

And then I just feel so glad!

(thanx to the beta team!)
akienm: (Default)
When we met
I did not understand the value
Of a service performed for another.
In being with you
I have learned to give that,
And in so doing
Have gained love, community, respect
This is part of the gift you are to me.
akienm: (Default)
You
Breath
Desire
Builds
Longing
Energy
Floating
Smiles
Sighs
Sleep.
akienm: (Default)
The breeze from the ocean
Washed over their bodies
Warm air, Succulent skin
Warm light... Bliss.

Profile

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Akien MacIain

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