akienm: (Default)
So... A while back D sent me this link: http://ping.fm/7mQrR

And asked me if I'd had my testosterone level checked. My story is not wholly unlike his. Tho I'd been attributing it to emotionally related stuff. The need to jettison old patterns, the rebuilding of myself after jettisoning them, that sort of thing.

However very recently I started supplementing my testosterone. Oh. My. God. All the emotional fragility *poof*! Gone. All the need to try and push myself hard in order to get anything done... *poof*! Gone! It's like a whole new me!

Since starting this I've had a couple of things happen that would have been very triggering, and... Nothing. Centeredness. I was kinda worried about angry, aggressive behavior... Nope. Things that *would* have made me angry before aren't bugging me. I feel much more patient. Less overwhelmed.

I do feel a little more assertive... But it hasn't been aggressive.

I am liking this A LOT!
akienm: (relaxed)
I'd like your help...

I've noticed as I've worked over the last 3 years to reprogram myself that there is usually a monolog that happens in my head in response to certain stimuli.

Like, I used to see my main sweetie kiss someone else and my first thought was "what about me?", sometimes it was "She doesn't touch me like that", and even "I should get out of her life, she'd be happier with him than with me."

I've learned to reprogram some of these automatic responses, and I'm still working on other ones. This internal monolog thing is something I'm planning to write a lot more about.

In the mean time, I'd like to gather your monologs, the first things that happen in your head in response to some hypothetical stimuli.

I'd like you to imagine each of the stimuli below, really imagine (or remember) it happening to you, imagine how it would feel in your body to observe this, and tell me the story or stories that comes up.

Comments screened. If you have an opinion about sharing your comments or not, please do let me know. If you haven't expressed a preference, then I'll probably feel free to share it.

Thanx for helping my research!

Specific stimuli )

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Akien MacIain

January 2017

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