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This is a composite memory. I remember that nothing I did was ever good enough. I was never good enough. I had to hide that I wasn't good enough. I remember working on projects, and dad would come over and tell me I wasn't doing it right, and here let me show you… And then it wasn't my project anymore. This happened so many times I remember being a still pretty small kid and asking dad why I couldn't work on my own projects. I think he relented some after that.

But I've carried not good enough ever since then. I had to succeed at everything, or the place I had in the lives of those around me would be taken away. At various times, I've talked about this in different ways, but it comes down to the same belief. Most of my jealousy came from that.

When Gene passed, I could see how much his passing effected a lot of people, including people who hadn't seen him for years. Now I've started to see how that's true for me too. And as I think about it, through the coaching work I've done, both with Dawn and on my own, I know that work has deeply touched many lives. Through SoundFit, I've come to have a clearer perspective on what I bring to my workplace as well.

Maybe I don't have to keep losing out. :)

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Akien MacIain

August 2017

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